Monday, November 27, 2006

The Anti-Christmassing

Get your Silver & Black Sci-Fi outfits on. Chuck a snag or something on the barby. Grease your machine. Point it downhill and scream. Savour the divine taste of a righteous pint of god's own amber. Meet and greet some toothless bogans. Point and guffaw as someone stacks it on the hard stuff. Eat Pizza. Ride circles out the front of Meetybites before heading in to cut a rug with a Darlek. Simple pleasures for simple people.


(Or S.A. Tongue Of Fire Day)
Adelaide City Council is looking at having a "Cyclovia" on January 14th 2007 . A cylovia is when city streets are closed to all traffic except cycles and pedestrians. The proposed streets are Gouger and Angus. Basically its an invitation to the Tongue to occupy a choice part of the city for a day. Imagine the Tongue lounging in all its al fresco glory at some overrated bar or cafe, heading off on sorties to freek the greek or target V.A.C (visable arse crack) with water cannons all in the good cause of raising the profile of bicycling. The Council has decided in a simultaneous moment of brilliance and stupidity to have at the same time as the Tour Down Under and so therefore there may be flocks of Racing Budgies trying to compete with the Tongue for a moment of glory. At the moment it is all pending a process of consultation with the traders and traffic experts. Suprisingly the offices of Tongue Of Fire have not been contacted yet. Stay tuned.

Friday, November 24, 2006


Tonight on ‘Gray-Matters’ we’ll be discussing one of the more delicate issue’s facing many of today’s young tonguers intending to attend the Saturday night bearded ride. “Facial Hair” or lack of rather- and hence the inability to grow a beard, a standard requirement on any bearded ride.
Many bewhiskered members of the tongue have been blessed with an abundance of this manliest of status cymbals; there must be something in the feeling of the wind in your beard, we have all seen their whiskers bristling with pleasure on those down hill descents, a perfect compliment to any feral hard rubbish chopper.
Though for those of us over whom the “yeti throw back gene” dose not have such a strong hold, there is hope. I have researched this problem, and there are a variety of options available to we barefaced ones. Instant crustiness can be purchased in the form of fake beards. There are a surprising number of Styles depending on how hard core you can handle the hairiness.

A Solid beginner’s beard choice would be the simple, no frills “Hillbilly Beard”.
The next step up and my personal recommendation, is the “Mountain Man Beard” which makes a great combination with the “Flaming Hamish”.
For those willing to go that little further try “The Full Cave Man Beard” which includes the full mono brow, ear and nasal hair onsomble, popular in turkey this season.
Last but not least is “The Super Deluxe- (and not to be tried by any clean shaven first timer) - Full Wooky Body Beard”…..Warning if attempted with anything but full commitment the results can be permanent and fatal!
A price will be given out on the night for best all round beard. Judges will be impressed mainly by size.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


You just got to cheak these guys out!
its like soccer on modified bikes with no hands. These guys are absultly unbeleavable. Fixed wheel magicials...amazing! may be the tongue could start a freaky aus chapter.

Comith Hairy Ones

They Grow on You.
Beards that is.
Beard that Ride,
Ride that Beard, that bearded Rider on that bike.
The band - ‘The Beards’ are playing this Saturday25th at the Grace Emily 9ish. At their last gig any person with a beard was given free entry and a free beer, if your bike has a beard then one would naturally assume that the same would apply to it!
A small contingent of hairy tongues intend to get whats going free.

Monday, November 20, 2006

More Anti-Christmas Ride 2 Details

Hey remember how on the Anti-Christmas Ride 1 Skeletor spontaneously combusted at The Guitar Off ? I can't so it was great to see Meetybites' magnifico video shortie "The Skelitor Files".
Speaking of Meetybites he's having a party Dec 9th at 8pm to which T.O.F. is invited. Same day as the Anti-Christmas Ride 2. Therefore I suggest, nay, DECREE we start the HQ BBQ 1pm, depart HQ 3pm, visit The Stump Hump ( not the Grassy Slope Of Carnage) for match racing or not, then loop Squatters, Wheatsheaf, Lady Daly, Land Of Promise back to HQ or MeetyBites' abode for pizza then party. The party is Sci-Fi and the dress code black and silver which will therefore be the dress code for the ride. Make an effort and do T.O.F. proud. Remember something for the BBQ, money for pizza and BYO for the party. Black and Silver Sci-Fi dress code. It will be a long day so I personally will need to pace myself. Can somebody remind me I said that.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Anti-Christmas Ride 2 Details

December 9th 11.00am bbq at HQ. B-Y-O! Thats right BRING SOMETHING. Fuelled & ready we proceed to the Grassy Slope Of Carnage for some match racing. Slap your money down, whoever wants to matches the dollars then race. Winner takes all!!! Then down the hill to publand. Thats as much as has been planned so far. Hopefully some old names will come out of hiding & join the new talent for this one. Sir Egmont Pedals, Crispy on the Grease, RaddleVonHack & The Gimp, Meetybites, The Mongrel, Skeletor,Trixiboy,DannyGirl, Mr Tetanus, Stitch, Mal Adjusted and The Chick From Hush.

Friday, November 03, 2006


Ding-dong merry on high or some shit like that. Yes its that time of year again. The Tongue's biggest ride of the year. Hopefully we'll see some of the grand old men and women of Tongue of Fire come out for this one. SATURDAY DECEMBER 9TH. More details to follow.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

"it's original!"

remember that mullet from tallbike convention?
well it's on again.

Mntember's of the Penny Farthing Cycle Club of SA
respectfully invite interested tonguers to excite their languid spleens at the
Penny Farthing State Championships
(better known as the Family Fun Day).
* b *
To be conducted this very Sunday:
November 5th, 11.00am,
At: Plympton Primary School, Owen Street
(Near the corner of Marion Road & the Anzac Highway)