Friday, May 30, 2014

FREAK A HOLIC


STAY TUNED TO THE FREAK CHANNEL

CHOPPING
PAGAN WORSHIP COSTUMING
EFFIGY DEVELOPMENT

AT THE SHACK
SAT 14TH JUNE
FROM 10AM
(this session will conclude late arvo so get your shit together early)

PAGAN WORHSIP
SCREAMING
BURNING

and carry on into the wee hours
SAT 21ST JUNE
DEPARTING FROM THE SHACK
(morning transport approx $15 - make your commitment known to secure a spot in the limo)

Saturday, May 24, 2014

WINTER SOLSTICE PAGAN CYCLE WORSHIP

Saturday June 21


SCREAMING

BURNING

TONGUE

Put it in your diary bitches
and start working on your costumes and effigies


If you are not present for this offering to our fiery gods
you will get punctures every time you ride
until next year

MELBOURNE FREAK BIKE FLAVOURS

In an effort to proliferate the ways of the Tongue across state borders a special envoy was sent to the magical land of VB.  The host was the ridiculously talented and handsome Baron Von Bon.  See below for details of a quick build that took place in his dark lair.  There is much discussion of building a Victorian Freak Team, including raising Ned Kelly from his grave, frankensteining Phar Lap's heart inside his chest and giving him the eloquent tongue of Paul Keating.  Stay tuned.

We all know how make a freak bike.
First, a little bit of this -------->
Then a little bit of this -------->
Then a whole lot of this --------->


Monday, May 19, 2014

   Have yourself an early night and be ready to

 BRING THE NOISE!!!
   Date: Sunday 25th May 2014.
   Time: 9am meet for 10am start.
  Place: Starting at Belair Triangle. Finishing 
             Edwards Park, southern parklands, City.
Theme: Bring the noise! The plan is to crash a
             Velo-Fringe Cargo Bike racing event,
             win all the races and make an unholy
             racket in the process.
Noises: Bring bells, whistles, gongs, drums
             squeakers, clangers, rattlers, clappers,
             hooters and twangers. Get as many 
             noise makers as you can, strap them 
             to your bike, tape them to your person
             and glue them in your hair.
             ( Any hair will do ) Also it would be
             great if many, if not all bikes have
             "Spoke Cards" attached. We want to
             be as loud as possible.


   How: Getting up the hill on time is going to
             be interesting. Elvis Boozely has 
             kindly offered to stay up all night so 
             he will be bright, fresh and ready to
             receive riders at the Chop Shack
             from 8am, for the purposes of loading
             a trailer with bikes and hopefully a 
             van of some description with riders.
             These vehicular requirements have not
             yet been arranged so if you have a
             trailer/van and you can help on the day
             please let us (Gooogle & Boozely) 
             know. It seems unlikely that I can be
             there for trailerings/vannings on the
             day, so it's a massive handball onto
             you, the Tongus Populii to try to
             figure it out and don't forget to...

 BRING THE NOISE!!!
 p.s. Naps: Afternoon naps will be compulsory
                  so as to avoid "The Grumps". Nap
                  times will be allocated on a grumpiest
                  first basis.
  

Monday, May 05, 2014

THE SHAKERS

The Boneshakers have cordially invited the Tongue for a romantic beach cruise this coming Friday eve, the 9th.
Meet 7pm at the weir for a West Beach standard.

Friday, May 02, 2014

GORETEX THIEF GETS NAILED IN THE PANTS

Recent chopology exploits have exploded the delicate instruments by which freaking is generally measured. Last weekend's reach around fest resulted in numerous completions and a couple half baked pies that will have to go back into the oven at a later date.  Here's some proof.



Well, this happened -  there are so many subplots to this saga that I'm not going to bother.  Suffice to say that "KIDS - DON"T DO SKIDS!"  (or something responsible like that) Here's a gentle taco outcome achieved by applying 200 kilosish of man child in sideways motion to a trike mobile pedal cart thing.

 That didn't stop the boys getting all tizzied up to ride it off to a German sparkle party extravaganza.  The special silvery foil top matched their dancing leggings.

Old Uncle Les reached fever point telling us the story of rolling Georgie Costanza for his cumfy Goretex puffer jacket.  Suffice to say he worked up quite a thirst.  Red can fever, you might say.




He proceeded to ride his freshly squeezed steed at high speed into the night screaming various profanities, jibberish and goat noises.


The german sparkle party boys returned with their taco machine and rode to Mexico - pictured here with a local Zapitista represantative who agreed that freak cycles would definitely be invaluable as a component of the revolution against cultural tyranny and general complacency.  Oh, and somewhere along the way their machine began wearing another bicycle as a hat.


SUBCUTANEOUS

Such a flurry of action lately.
No time for laborious fruity descriptions.
If you were there you probably fell over from laughing your tits off.