Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Supreme Overlord Gravox Remembers

My dear Tonguers, Rat Patrollers, Lone Wolves and Fellow Bike freaks. Where do I start? What a glorious weekend of bicycular madness! An absolute ball tearer! So many fantastic memories but I'll begin with the formalities of the results, as I remember them.

The Six Pack Relay.

Winning team: Rat Patrol
Riders: Two Humps, Victa 2 Stroke, Nancy Porker, Bloody Mary, Dogga and Toad Haul.
After a lightning quick start Rat Patrol continued to extend their lead, knocking back the juice in frightening style. In fact some complained that one can was insufficient for the duration of three laps. All in all a worthy event. As Victa 2 Stroke commented: "Beers and laps...excellent"

Blinkered Figure Eight Racing.

Heat One: 1st Flighty on "Bull Ant", 2nd T.S.O. Gravox on "Dennis Chopper"
Heat Two: 1st Brett on "Code name Condor"(?), 2nd ?
Heat Three: 1st Will on "Tall Dutch" , 2nd Victa 2 Stroke on "Small Tall"
Heat Four: 1st Two Humps on "Dennis Chopper", 2nd Evil K on "Stormboy"

Final: A scrappy start with much jostling saw a tightly bunched group hit turn two where Flighty threw it away in his inimatible style. This left Two Humps, Will and Brett to dice it out. The pace was furious and the crossover hair raising with centimetre accurate passing, or near misses by the demon racers, desperate for glory. Eventually Will pulled out to a lead over Two Humps which he maintained to the finish. Meanwhile two laps back Flighty was pushing it like a madman and lost the front to stack it a beauty.
We must thank Trixiboy for this format and MudButtMonkey and Organ Donor for the absolutely sensational blinkers. Figure Eight Racing rocks hard.

Disco Derby.

This event was a bit of freeform fun with The Supreme Overlord Gravox getting unfairly, molested and victimised from all quarters. In the end The Dreadlock Dude on Turbo Maggot 2000 cunningly jettisoned a jousting lance into the path of T.S.O.G. to unseat him.


Two Humps v. Brett
An even match-up with Two Humps taking the honours.

The Supreme Overlord Gravox v. The Dreadlock Dude
The Dreadlock Dude delivered T.S.O.G. a real bladder burster before having to retire hurt himself after four passes.

MudButtMonkey v. Toad Haul
Toad managed to land a good one on MudButt whilst getting one himself and dismounting first. The third pass went to the crafty ButtMonkey making victory his.

Evil K v. Bloody Mary
After three rounds of dabbing at each other like a pair of powderpuffs two raging bulls met with such impact to create a spectacle of airborn bikes and riders that was satisfying in its symmetry. A draw.

The Supreme Overlord Gravox v. Two Humps
T.S.O.G. kindly consented to joust Two Humps who was having trouble finding an opponent. Possibly something to do with the mad eyes and frothing at the mouth. On the third pass T.S.O.G. accidentally gave Two Humps one to the throat. Now technically this should have disqualified T.S.O.G. but the brave Two Humps was up for more. A lucky blow by T.S.O.G. in the fourth pass unseated Two Humps.

A great day of competition done in sporting style and chivalrous goodwill with much beer swillage and happy exchange. Choosing the weekend's highlights makes for hard work but I must mention riding through the streets of Brompton with the M.G.E. at full volume and thirty odd freakbike riders with flashing lights circulating in some strange bicycle ballet. Talking bikes around the fire. I didn't see Nancy Porker's hi jinx on Two$Deal but from all reports I missed out. The savage ebb and flow of Figure Eight Racing, derbying to live music and jousting with gay abandon. Watching Nancy Porker on Small Tall riding through the "gauntlet" of MudButt's Triple Penny was an absolute treat. Cruising back to HQ with Skidmark keeping the choons pumping. General relaxed pandemonium back at HQ culminating in the serious and hilarious "open scotum". Can the musicians out there please write a song about it?

Thanks must go out to MudButtMonkey for all his energy in helping to organise the event. Cheers bro! Trixiboy for helping to get the fleet ready. Organ Donor for spreading the word, the excellent masks and calling an ambulance. Captain LightningBeard Query for staying the night. Skidmark for a marathon set, Skeletor, Dogga, Trixiboy and Jimmy Stash for the live music. Trixiboy for MCing. Stitch for the video and mike. Sir Pedals for passing the hat and Fern for patching up the wounded. Everyone who helped clean up or in some littleway. To The Chick From Hush for letting The Supreme Overlord Gravox escape general domestic duties. Again.
But the biggest thanks goes to the lovely people of Rat Patrol for driving all the fuckin' way from Canberra with the magnificent Master Gravity Esquire and bikes to compete and party and ride with Tongue Of Fire. Limp Jimmy, Nancy Porker, Two Humps, Dr. Splat, Dogga, Victa 2 Stroke, Skidmark, Scrujette, Toad Haul and Bloody Mary. We dig your work. For you champs Tongue Of Fire is a Loving Tongue.

As for The Supreme Overlord Gravox he is going to hand over The Supreme Overlord bit to some other and become humble (yet still omnipotent) Gravox who will take some time out to ponder his Great Idea.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

“MudButtMonkey & Gravies TallBike Convention” An Oh Sooo "Rich-and-Juicy” occasion, the very essence of Supreme Gravox....and the Nature of that Monkey was........Irrepressible. Well-done guys!! epic !!

12:27 PM  
Blogger Pork said...

My dear hot moist Tongues,

My sincere thanks for your hospitality, ingenuity and inspiration. The competition was fierce! The blinkers were brilliant! But mostly, thanks for the experience and memories. They were truely overwhelming, and will definitely be with me for life.

It took longer than the two day drive across the Hay plains for it all to sink in. But along the way we scouted out some potential "half-way" points that would be suitable for a future gathering. We also established that Hay has a base hospital, and we even established a contact for an ambulance officer! hahaha!

I'm off to find some fat rope and kero today. I'm displaying withdrawl symptoms! I'm also off to get an x-ray today.

I'm fairly certain I have broken my wrist in the unglorious fall off $2deal; just couldn't feel it thanks to the pain in the ankle, which is slowly on the mend.

We have many photos and videos. Be expecting a package in the post in the not too distant future.

Pete - hope you're mending faster than I. Bloody good work soldier! You're an inspiration to us all! ;)

Needless to say, if any of you lot are ever up this way, you have places to stay and guides to show you a good time.

until next time...

Nancy Porker
aka Pork Chop
aka Pork Hop

9:54 AM  
Blogger TallBikes said...

‘aka Mudbutt here’
Ahhh-4 those days of high adventure Sir Porky, U are a truly heroic tall biker, a broken wrist &sprained ankle, (well I hope the x-rays said otherwise). And U still trucked on like trooper, yessss it did take a while for the memories of such a monumentuss gathering to sink in, cant express my thanks enough for RPs huge effort in coming all that way for it. !!Beautiful!! until the next time my bike bending friends! Until the next time.

1:14 PM  

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