Wednesday, October 03, 2012

September Form Guide

The final weekend in September is a highlight in most Australian calenders, especially amongst those keen to enjoy the eerie echoes of deserted suburbia. Representatives from Team Retardo, The Marauders and The Boneshakers joined a generous delegation of Tonguers to celebrate the fact that freaky cycle adventures are far more awesome than sitting around watching footy. Gravox put in an apology, which was ungraciously refused in demand for blood, stool samples or a tuft of chest hair that might be blown into the wind ala Monkey Magic to have the greasy overlord waft in on a pulsating purple cloud of beard. Muddbutt Monkey was excused due to his ongoing penny farthing world domination training program, as sponsored by Gina Reinhardt.
Pedals turned, smiles broadened, drinks breaks ensued as the group toured through the spooky graveyard, paid homage to the arena of scrapey, ventured past the showgrounds and back to the Kurrangga BMX trap. As excitement grew and hot lap times were decimated the BMX trap set to work on destroying machines and riders. Lone wolf Dave was thrown violently from his Wildcat, employing his uncanny talent to rescue himself from certain death just in the nick of time. Titanium Sphincter Silver Pants earnt his name in a most spectacular way using his impressive buns of steel to smash the saddle clean off of the Technomatrix Deluxe. All in attendance cheered wildly in appreciation and awarded him a remarkable pink ribbon to commemorate the occasion.
Comfortably lubricated by this point the posse rolled on, halting unsuspecting traffic, boasting their freaky prowess along Rundle Street, racing the From Bomb and generally becoming increasingly excited as they headed back toward Linear Park. Muddbutt Monkey’s tall threw Amsterdamage over the guard rail, sending him tumbling down the embankment towards the greasy brown flow of the Torrens. Eventually the next drinks station was met - The Tightrope to the Temple of Doom! Both bravery and foolishness were displayed as the majority of riders wobbled across its rickety length. Big props go to newby bloodnut Dave who tackled the challenge on a borrowed tall. Gooogle showed rare extreme manliness and exercised the craze know as ‘spanking’ himself across the bridge.
Further Eastward the General Berzerker’s Death Shopper experienced a severe mechanical. Colonel Spaghetti Napalm faithfully rescued his fellow Marauder, displaying impressive mechanical prowess not otherwise visible in their feeble machines. Bored and fidgety as most ADD children, Titanium Sphincter and the Stripey Sherpa decided it would be a good idea to throw themselves in front of O-Bahn buses. An almost flawless performance ensued, swiftly raising the heartbeats of all witnesses and pepping them up for the final leg of le tour. The motley bunch then returned Westward, slinking again along Rundle Street for one last refreshing soda at the Excreter then a downhill run into the sunset and the comfort of the inner west. Last minute appearances were put in by PeeWee and the Solar Powered Freestyle Master who put on a display of mad air at the Thebarton Thunderdome.


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